So, since I am really unsure about internet access in Swazi, I wanted to be completely open, honest, and vulnerable with all of you, so that you can pray.
I am tired.
We’ve been on the field for 7 months. In this time, I’ve slept in almost 20 different “beds,” been in 16 countries (who ever said 11 in 11?), eaten unrecognizable food, and spent over 400 hours traveling on either busses, taxis, airplanes, boats, or various other forms of transportation.
You’ve read my blogs. God has absolutely remained faithful to His promises. He has healed. He has redeemed. He has answered prayer. He has showed up. I don’t doubt him for a second. He has never let me down.
To top it all off, He’s allowed us to have fun. To surf the Pacific Ocean. To hike the Andes. To take a ferry to Italy. To see snow in Hungary. To spend a night in the Middle East. To pet baby lions.
I have no complaints about the Race what.so.ever. I’m just…tired.
Especially after this month. Sweating all the time. Eating rice and beans all the time. Having nowhere to sit comfortably. It’s so so good. But it wears you down a little.
I know it’s what I need. That’s why even next month, I want to sacrifice some of the things that I find comfort in, because I know I need to be uncomfortable. That’s why I’m living out of my daypack. I know God has tons to teach me through all this.
It’s not working too hard and not taking time with the Lord. If there’s ever been a time in my life where I’ve been able to seek the Lord wholeheartedly, this is it. And it’s not that we never rest. We do. But I’m still just tired.
I need to be refreshed amidst this lifestyle of abandonment. That wont come from anything material, no matter how fun it is to watch an episode of TV on our computers, find ice cream, or get to sleep in. It won’t come from spending the entire hour before a traditional african meal dreaming about Chick-Fil-A (we do that a lot.) It will come from the Lord. And perhaps a good night’s sleep. At least this month we won’t have witchdoctors next door banging their drums.
So yes, I love the World Race. This is the best thing I’ll never do again. 😉 But right now I need some serious refreshing. There are so many people in Swaziland, Thailand, Cambodia, Malaysia, and back home that need the love of Christ and a taste of the Kingdom, and I want to be that love for them. So, prayers are appreciated. For now I’m just going to keep pressing through, keep loving on people, and keep dreaming about Chick-Fil-A 😉
The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.Isa. 40:28-31
Father, I’m not asking to soar like an eagle, as cool as that might be, and I’m not seeking to run like a marathoner, though I’d love the legs and lungs to do so. Just walking upright with a renewed heart, a steady gait and replenished energy will be enough.
My hope is in you, Abba, Father, for you promise daily mercies, steadfast love and sufficient grace. I’m not depleted, though I’m heading in that direction. I’m not depressed, but have enough of the blues and blahs to take my condition seriously. I look to you for all the spiritual, emotional, mental and physical strength I need. The next few months are going to really busy. Send your Spirit. Please grant me good sleep and real Sabbath.
Because Jesus embraced the ultimate weakness and weariness of the cross, I’m confident of your burden-bearing love. You are the perfect, present and persistent Father. I may be weary in my servanthood, but I’m secure in my sonship. Nothing can separate me from your love. So very Amen I pray in Jesus’ tender and triumphant name. -S.S.
Stephanie,
I echo all the thoughts and prayers of the saints sent to you in the above emails. I am humbled by your transparency and willingness to trust in our Lord. Know that you are not only ministering to the people you are meeting and helping on the Race, but to all of us at home as well. God’s grace, love and peace be with you as you “press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus”.
God bless and keep you,
Sue
Hi Steph:
Been following your journey through your blogs. That was a most beautiful prayer. I continue to pray for you and your team. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Dear Stephaine,
I pray that God will give you the emotional and spiritual strength you need as the race comes closer to the end.
Pray you will find times of rest though I feel it is more to do with the overwhelming look at so much poverty both spiritually and physically around you. More then most of us will see in a life time.
You are my hero.
Love,
Marjorie Kinning
Steph,
Hang in there, when you are weak, he is strong. Remember there are TONS of people praying for you! You are actually walking as Jesus, ministering to the poverty and needs all around you. Man I can relate to the food….we had the beans in a tomato ‘soup’ and rice along with Sadza (a corn meal crud that could pass for a breakfast food in the AM and made with less water for a clumpy thing that you pushed your food around with at dinnertime),in Zimbabwe, I did not EVER miss that stuff….but this is what these people eat day in and day out, and they are thankful for it! REMEMBER we are praying for you…YOU GO GIRL!!!!
Susan
Stephanie,
We prayed for you this morning, and we will pray for you faithfully as God leads you on this amazing journey you yearned for. We are all encouraged by your spiritual growth and excitement to reach others for Christ. Your heart is with Jesus; let His light shine bright! And in your weariness, claim Phil: 4:13!
We are awaiting your return with anticipation, wanting to hear the wonderous ways God has ministered to you and and through you and your team. Thanks for the Blogs – they are such a blessing.
The Millers
My Dear Daughter,
I wish I could just give you a hug right now, and send you to your room for a good night’s sleep. It was great finally speaking to you yesterday. Be the dream. Love, Dad
Dearest Stephanie, I picture you, right this moment climbing into the lap of God, He puts His arm around your shoulders and draws you to His heart, and holds you there. With your head on His shoulder He tells you how He will be your strength now and in the days to come. He will hold you up when you’re weary and comfort you when you are worn down.
Trust Him to see you through the rest of the trip. I will lift you to Him in this manner, it is a privilege to be able to be a part of this mission by praying. God bless. Peg
Amen. I am thankful for your honesty. We all need that. I’ve been reading recently in “A praying Life” by Jack Miller, that God loves it when we come to Him when we are weary and messy. It’s then that he can help us and give us rest. It’s then that we are real with God in our prayers, when we recognizes our weaknesses. 🙂 I love you steph, and Miss you sooo sooo much!
Rach
Stephanie and Team mates –
I wish I can carried your burdens but as you said JESUS can. A read a prayer from Joni Eareckson Tada:
Father, help me sink my anchor deep in your promises. As life’s waves broadside my boat, enable me to remember that every promise has its beginning and ending in Jesus.
My you always be lifted up by Jesus every minute of every day, my OUR GOD bring rest and to remember your love for HIM that can make you FLY.
With lots of Hugs and with peace,
Helene
(you and your team mates are always in my prayers)
Dear Father,
Thank You that You never leave us or forsake us. I ask that You carry Steph and the team in the palm of Your mighty hand. May Your strength be theirs as they press on. In our Lord Jesus. AMEN
I love you. I’m praying.
Stephanie,
Thank you for your transparancy. Know that I’ve been praying for you…and will definitely continue to do so. As I read your prayer, I prayed that the Lord would bless you and shower you with all those things.
Be blessed!
Lisa